In 2012, while Ambassador to Portugal, I went to Afghanistan. There was a desire for all American ambassadors to countries with soldiers who were part of the NATO force to see the country and talk to the soldiers (from, in my case, Portugal), as well as the American commanders.

Two of us flew to Kabul with Admiral James Stravidas who was the NATO supreme commander. We had a series of briefings along with the Admiral. We visited Kandur and met with local leaders in several places as we were ferried by helicopter around the country.

Several things stood out to me at the time. First, we were told how, at the time, there were 6 million girls in school. This was compared to none when the Taliban ruled the country. The second was when Admiral Stravidas told me that he thought we had a 50-50 chance of success there which was better, he said, than when he first arrived. He also said to not believe people who said everything was good or everything was bad. He seemed very clear eyed about the possibilities and the dangers that were omnipresent.

I thought at the time that perhaps the opportunities for women had been worth the fight. What I did not recognize was the fragility of the commitment by the leaders of Afghanistan to anything but themselves. Looking back, it makes me think of the ever-present reality for the United States in any military action abroad. We cannot love their country more than they do if we hope to succeed. Clearly this is what happened in Afghanistan. It is a tragedy that we had no way of stopping.

Hopefully we can learn a lesson for the future. It is not to avoid any conflict, but rather to make sure the people we are helping care more for their country than we do. If that is the case, then we have a chance to succeed.